What
Does a Soul Mate Look Like?
By
Annie Ory
I picked out my son's name when I was twelve years old. I wouldn't meet his father for another 6 years. During my pregnancy I imagined my son as a sort of "man kit." I thought that I would create this little person who would become the kind of man I wanted to have in my life. The moment Alex was born I knew I had been wrong. Even his name, though I did use the one I'd picked out years before, changed in Kindergarten. He decided he was someone other than the person I'd thought he would be.
Dating on line can be like that in some ways. We are asked a series of questions about what we like and what we want in a partner. It can be a bit like a "man kit" where we are able to say we want: hair, preferably blond; height, at least six feet tall. He should have a job and earn $100-200K a year and live within 10 miles of our zip code. He "must love dogs," or own his own plane, or ski, or like to swing dance. eHarmony.com will only connect us with people who meet all those criteria and are matched on "29 Key Dimensions of Compatibility necessary for success in long term relationships."
This is what I know; I have deeply loved people who don't, who won’t, fit into any dimension of Compatibility, no matter how hard I push and shove. Those people have added amazing depth and passion to my life and I am a better person for having known them. My husband, and my late husband, both of whom have enriched my life beyond my dreams, would not have been matched with me on many of those "29 key dimensions." In addition, both of them refused to be the men I would have made them be, were it my place to make them be anything. My son continues to be his own man in spite of my occasional slips when I try to make him be someone else.
This is what I have noticed: When I leave them to decide who they are on their own and tell them, show them, that I love and accept them for who they are, they rise to the challenge. They become the best men they can be. Those men are far more interesting and wonderful to be with than the men I was trying to create.
While you are looking for love, you may believe that you can only be happy with someone who fits your physical, intellectual, financial or spiritual image of your perfect mate. Know that your soul mate will show up one day and something in you will know them. Be prepared for the fact that they may not look anything like the person you thought you were looking for. Keep your heart open and look for the things you want, because wouldn’t it be fun if they really love to swing dance with you. Just remember that if they don’t, the rest of the dance can be just as wonderful.
Send Questions to Annie to annie@MappingLove.com . Presidio Sentinel, October / Newspaper
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